4 short minutes away from deportation proceedings !

Well let’s start by still being on the ferry. After breakfast I look at Maps.me on the cellphone to see where we are. We are just off the coast of Turkmenistan. Clearly the boat had sailed about 3.00 am in the morning - presumably after the Captains vodka had settled down. Then I look at the boat’s direction. We are not going to Baku! We are going to another place - a port 70 km south of Baku. And that is where we ended up. But relax  the President is always watching over us - ( read, watching us ) and  his photo is absolutely everywhere in Turkmenistan. I mean everywhere.   

We arrive in Azerbaijan at about 3 pm.  So far, so good.  We go to passport control. We explain we are from New Zealand and don’t need a visa They say we do. And that dear reader  is where the fun and saga starts. 

We get told they can solve the problem and issue a visa on the spot.  Sounds good.  The problem however is that the on line visa application requires the insertion of a copy of our passports. But the on line form will not accept this insertion because of formatting problems.  Three  customs  staff get out their cell phones and spend about an hour and a half trying to format our passports into the visa application form. Nothing works. Mutterings start about denying us entry and being deported back to our country of origin. But of course our visa for Turkmenistan has expired so that is not an option. More fiddling goes on. Then for some reason  I get taken over to another  office. More fiddling goes on but without success. 

Then about 7.30 pm i.e. about 4 hours after arrival there is a breakthrough. Suddenly the ground rules seem to change. We now just have to pay about $NZ70 each for a visa. The computer problem with the insertion that has taken many hours is now dropped. . “ No problem for payment” I say. “ In US dollars?”   “No,  cash of any currency is not acceptable”  It has to be only a credit card.  “No problem” I say. Well that would be the absolute understatement of the year. My trusted and well-used and never declined credit card suddenly gets declined. What is going on here? “No problem” I say again and produce a Visa card from another bank that I always carry as a spare. It is again declined. In desperation I get out my very little used third spare card. It too is declined Now we are suddenly in big deep deep trouble

They look suspiciously at me. What the heck is going on? I get looks of suspicion from the staff. Diana tries  her credit card in desperation   Hers works for her application.  Hallelujah! She tries it for my application. Her card is now declined! Back suddenly to despair. We now get  very serious looks from the staff. The demeanour now changes suddenly to formal. We are told that because of this inability to pay by credit card we will now have to be deported. And we have just minutes to sort this out. Voices start to get tense, very tense! 

In desperation and with time running out and voices being raised at us Diana gets through to the ANZ credit card hotline via 2degrees wifi calling. As she does one officer even wants her to stop using the phone   Diana pushes on regardless. Her voice would have cut an iceberg in two. Yes, the ANZ lady explains “ your credit card has been blocked”. Why? 

Because we have deemed your payment to Azerbaijan customs  to be a fraudulent transaction. So we have unilaterally blocked your card she says. This in spite of us advising the bank we are travelling in this region and them having this advice in their system After a few tense moments the ANZ lady relents and unblock our cards. We try again. Payment goes thru.  Whew, it was very very close. Smiles reappear.   

Then the not so good news. The online visa takes up to three hours to come thru. We have to sit for 3 hours to wait.  And three hours they did take - right down to the last minute. Diana’s visa clearance arrives at 10.58pm, mine 29 minutes later. We get them printed off. We get on the bike. We get off again.  We get the formal stamp in our passports. That would be one sweet,  sweet sound. We get on the bike. About 500 metres down the road we get stopped br another barrier. We show our papers. That will be $US20 please for bridge fees. Cash only please!  There is no receipt. This is all after almost being deported because the other office would not accept. Work that one out if you can!

However I must say the Azerbaijan Customs staff were as helpful as they were allowed to be. They were friendly until the question of deportation came up. They gave us fruit and a meal and some water. They shared their wifi and mobile phone hotspots. They allowed Diana to go behind the counter to work in the computer. It was the systems that were all the problem plus our ..............  banks in New Zealand. 

So just on midnight (which is 1.00 am Turkmenistan time) we hit the three lane motorway system and ride the 70 km ride into downtown Baku. Never in my life did I ever imagine I would be riding a “2 up” fully laden bike through the main streets and motorway system of Baku, capital of Azerbaijan,  after midnight on a Saturday night. Some things in life can be  best be described as character forming. Bloody difficult might be a better way of putting it. 

We go to the best hotel in town - the Fairmont. Yes, they have a room. At 2.00 am local time we are in our room. Just another day in the  office I tell myself as we collapse into a luxurious Fairmont bed. It could have so easily been a prison mattress courtesy of New Zealand Visa cards. 

   So on the ferry trip from Turkmenistan in summary we have  spent 70 hours all up. We...

                    Have spent 11 hours  waiting in various lines for the ferry at Turkmenistan 

                    Have spent 18 hours on a 12 hour ferry crossing 

                    Have ended up at a different port to Baku 

                   

                    Have spent 7 hours clearing customs/ immigration in Azerbaijan 

And almost been thrown into jail in Azerbaijan and deported and having the bike confiscated 

Who said travel is easy ? 

Oh, and the humourus part of this blog ?  Well humour was cancelled today folks. It was not exactly what you might call a laugh a minute type of day! 

Now after a unplanned but much needed rest day it is on to Georgia tomorrow.  On the final note and in absolute contrast here is the viewfrom our hotel window. Spot the difference between this view and that from a prison cell! Just 4 minutes seperate the two !